From the Gospel of Luke:
The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life's worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature. But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop. (8:14-15. All Scripture references are NIV)The parallel account in the Gospel of Mark talks about "the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things" (4:19).
Is that me? Is the Word of God in my life choked by my worries and the deceitfulness of wealth? Is the working of the Holy Spirit in my life inhibited because I am filled with desires for other things? Does this letter I wrote in 2004 apply to me?
Or can this describe me?
Ah, my friend! How long it has been since I have enjoyed your presence! I have seen you passing by and I have heard your voice from across the way, but, I've been too busy to stop and talk. We do talk in the morning at work everyday, but that's just business talk. Its important for me to focus on the upcoming project, so I can't afford to really listen to you unless your telling me something that relates to my project. People think that we're the best of friends 'cause I talk about you a lot. Most of the time though I talk about you when I get in discussions with other people. It's easier for me to convince people when I can tell you that you agree with me, and that way, when they don't listen to me, I can pass it off and tell them that really they aren't listening to you.
Blessed is the man
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seat of mockers.
But his delight is in the law of the Lord,
and on his law he meditates day and night
He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers. (Ps 1:1-3)†
Over the past few months I have grown increasingly irritated with myself. I can make St. Paul's words fully my own: "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." What have I been doing, that I keep falling in the same way to the same temptations?
As I have struggled with this, God has slowly been revealing to me what I think is the root cause of this problem:
Without him, I can do nothing. It really isn't an issue of trying harder, or praying more, or cutting bad influences out of my life, although those actions can be very helpful. But the actions themselves, as performed by me, are powerless. Satan didn't need MTV and the internet to fall from heaven. And he didn't have a lack of significant interaction with God. He just had to turn away from God.
This Lent began with a call: "Repent and believe." In a narrow sense, I ought to repent of specific sins, and I should believe in the truths contained in Sacred Scripture and Tradition. But I think I need to respond to that call in a broader sense. "To repent" means to turn away, and in Scripture it means to turn away from sin and back to God. "To believe" is not just an intellectual assent to a set of propositions, but to say "Yes!" to Jesus and to all that he wills for me.
Repenting is not a wistful looking back over the shoulder towards God. No, it is a turning to God with my whole being, with all that I am. And believing happens when Jesus calls me to jump into the ocean of God's Love and I do it, even though I don't know how to swim. I just let go and entrust myself to him.
Why am I not experiencing the total freedom that Scripture speaks about? Probably because I am not totally repenting and believing! I'm not letting go of the worries of this life, and the desire for other things, so it shouldn't be surprising that the Word doesn't bear as much fruit as it might otherwise.
†
What is it about the worries of this life and the desire for other things that cause them to choke out the Word?
As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, "I will follow you wherever you go." Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head."We can replace their words with many others:
He said to another man, "Follow me." But the man replied, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father." Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God."
Still another said, "I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good-bye to my family." Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God." (Luke 9:57-62)
"Lord, first let me go and finish school."
"Lord, first let me go and get married."
"Lord, first let me go and find a good job."
And even with very small things:
"Lord, first let me go and finish my homework."
"Lord, first let me go and check on my team at ESPN.com."
"Lord, first let me go and. . ."
None of those things are bad, in and of themselves. But we clutter our minds with all sorts of minor and major preoccupations, and there's no room for the Word to take root in our hearts and grow and flourish.
†
That brings me to the title of this post. I'm starting to think that I have a far more worldly mind than I ever realized. Ready for action? The only action I seem to be prepared for is falling asleep in the moment of temptation, or flat out running into the arms of sin. My mind often feels sluggish, or as if in a cloud, and it becomes hard to remember the things of God. I often care far more about purely earthly, temporary things than those things which will last forever.
That's mediocrity, and I've been settling for it.
In the midst of realizing this last week, a Scripture verse came to mind:
The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. (1 Peter 4:7)How does one be "clear minded"? I don't know exactly, but I don't think it's anything I can do to myself. I have to let the Holy Spirit do that. But first I need to recognize that I need him to do that, and then I need to ask him to do that. As if to point out that this is important for me to consider this right now, several other Scripture passages were brought to my attention:
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God -- this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the patter of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Rom 12:1-2)I decided that 1 Peter was so filled with good things for me right now that I was going to memorize it. I started working on it Sunday and I think I've made good progress. There was, however, a surprising (though it shouldn't have been so) effect to this Scripture memorization.
Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. (Col 3:1-2)
Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. (1 Pet 1:13)
But his delight is in the law of the Lord,
and on his law he meditates day and night
He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers. (Ps 1:2-3)
The precepts of the Lord are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the Lord are radiant,
giving light to the eyes. (Ps. 19:8)
In rehearsing the words of 1 Peter in my mind, I was in turn meditating on it, and in meditating on it, it was filling my mind — it was giving light to my eyes. In this state, I went to school this morning and was surprised: both at all the distractions I hadn't noticed very much before and at how much easier it was to deal with temptation.
I want to have the mind of Christ. I want to walk in the Spirit. I want to free to love with all my heart and not be burdened by sin. And just as he is holy, so I want to be holy.
Holy Spirit, fill my heart and my mind with your presence. Teach me how to pray. Teach me how to love. Make me holy.
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